|
[05 Dec 2009|12:11pm] |
There’s a proverb says that all roads lead you home - I've just always struggled with figuring out where that home is. For a long time, home was California - born and raised, went away to college and came back. While I was in college, home was Brunswick, and right after college, home was Chicago. And now here I am, back in California, living in a small house I still feel like I’m paying too much for. The road to here was long and winding, but I'm home. At least I feel like I'm at home. I think that's what makes the difference.
I'm the only girl of six children. I talk about my family a lot, they're important to me, so I might as well get that out there now, versus later. When you're the only girl, and you mom passes away when you're young, you tend to be the mother hen... which I totally am. And like any good mother hen, I cluck a lot about my chickens. So yes, I'm third of six... it goes Tommy, Joe, Me, Paulie, Paddy and Mike.
Yes, we're Irish Catholic, what ever gave you that idea.
Tommy is married to Beth- they have two daughters: Maura, who's almost 8 and Caroline who just turned 5. Joe is married to Barrett- they have one son, Colin who's 7. Paulie won't settle down. He never will. And he's okay with that, me and Pops... not so much. It’s because I worry. Oh do I worry. Paddy and his girlfriend Laura just hit their three year anniversary. Last time I was home I heard rumblings of an impending engagement- but as of right now, I know nothing for sure. Mike and Ashton have been married for almost a year now. And then there’s Daddy, who after being alone for all those years finally found a woman he could place on a pedestal like my Mom- he and Elise got married two weeks after I graduated from college.
And then there's me. Well me and the baby - Jacob Steven McKinnon was born August 4, 2006. Jakey’s dad and I aren’t together. We tried, but having kids wasn’t in his plan- and oddly, I’m okay with that. He wasn’t planned, obviously, but sometimes life is like that. His dad's a good guy, sometimes things just don’t work out. We’re civil, which is important, for Jake's sake. It probably helps that he’s in Minneapolis and I’m here. Jake’s such a good kid, bright and friendly, charming as all get out- he deserves good thing, all good things. Caleb's helping with that.
I used to tell all my stories through my brothers- it was a bad habit I picked up when I was much younger. As the only girl, I always felt like I was kind of on display- more so after my mother died and I was the only woman in the house. Because of that, I was different... so I found was to turn it around and "live" through my brothers. I still tell stories through them, but it's changed a little. Now I tell stories through Jake- but I think that's just a mommy thing.
College helped, it helped me find myself- to figure out who I was outside of being someone's sister or Sean and Elizabeth's daughter. I made exactly the friends I needed at that point in time- even if I kind of fell off the face of the earth after graduation, at least off the radar for most people. Atlanta was good; not to say that it was perfect, because it was far from it- I took plenty of bumps, but I always had plenty of backup to make sure the bumps weren't TOO hard. Georgia is where I made my best friends, the people I still talk to – my son’s Aunts and his favorite Uncle. Georgia is where I fell in love again, even if I wasn't quite ready to acknowledge it as love at the time. Being in Georgia changed me, helped me become who I am. Georgia showed me that I could depend on people and still be independent.
After college, I boxed up all my stuff and moved back to California. I had my degree in Writing and Communications and worked for a non-profit organization that helped inner city kids find their voice. That’s where I met Jake's dad- he helped us out by giving a journalism workshop. It's a shiny place in Oakland, where kids from the surrounding neighborhoods got tutoring and learned to be more creative. And maybe it helped me figure out what it is I'm missing. It made it easier when Jake was little because he’d stay with Beth – she misses her girls being little, so my Little Mister worked well for her.
My work at 826 is what's brought me here. We were working with some students who were in progress with CASA Glynn. They had an opening in their office- helping children in need have a positive force in their life, a solid adult in their life.
So here I am.
Home again, home again, jiggity jig. We've settled into the house. Jake's trying to convince me we should get a puppy, and I'm almost read to give in. I'm starting expand my circle of friends. Reconnecting with wonderful people, like Caleb. It's starting to feel like home again. I blame the proximity to the water. Or maybe it's all in my head.
Momma used to remind me all the time that you never can tell where life will end up leading you. And as usual, she was right. I never imagined it would be like this, but here we are. Happy. Happier than I've ever really been.
|
|